Phone Conversations from Work

There are reasons I hate answering the phone at work. Someone has to do it, and it usually falls to me. Most phone conversations are easy and quick. Others are... less so. As always, it is those that are not easy or quick that stick in the mind. They vary a bit, here and there, but it is like they take passages from the same script.

The whole of the bad conversation tree would go something like this (note: I do NOT include my name in this, to protect my own identity, and I also properly changed the name of the store at which I work.) -

Me: Hello, this is Soar.
Caller: Is this Soar?
Me: Yes, this is Soar, ma'am
Caller: The thrift store?
Me: Yes ma'am, we are a thrift store.
Caller: Are you open?
Me: Ma'am? Yes we are open.
Caller: Oh good. I didn't know you were open on (Sunday, Tuesday, Fridays, holidays, ever)
Me: Yes ma'am. Do you want to know our hours?
Caller: Can you tell me your hours?
Me: ... Yes. We are open today from 10am to ____, but we stop accepting donations at four.
Caller: You aren't accepting donations anymore?
Me: No ma'am, we just don't accept items after four-
Caller: But I have a lot of things for you.
Me: That's fine, but the back door is used for donations. The staff back there closes down at four.
Caller: I can't bring them in the front door?
Me: We would prefer not.
Caller: Well. I'd like to sell some items. What do you buy clothing at?
Me: Ma'am, we do not buy clothing. What you want is a consignment store, they buy used clothing. We are a charity-based thrift store.
Caller: You aren't consigment?
Me: No ma'am
Caller: Isn't this Soar?
Me: Yes ma'am, this is Soar.
Caller: The thrift store.
Me: Yes ma'am.
Caller: But you don't buy you said.
Me: No ma'am. We work on donations. Thrift is donations. Consignment is purchase.
Caller: So you don't buy.
Me: No ma'am.
Caller: What about computers?
Me: What about computers, ma'am?
Caller: Do you buy computers?
Me: We do not accept or purchase computers.
Caller: But you accept clothing
Me: Yes ma'am.
Caller: You just don't buy it.
Me: That is correct ma'am.
Caller: What if the computer works?
Me: We still won't accept it ma'am.
Caller: Where are you located?
Me: We are at ____ _____ in Fairfax, Virginia.
Caller: I would like directions from Northwest DC.
Me: Would you like me to connect you to someone who can give directions?
Caller: Yes. I would also like to speak with a manager about your buying policies.
Me: Yes ma'am. Please hold.
...

I may be exagerating, slightly. I may not, too. That example conversation, that's only a few minutes long if you count the awkward pauses. I've had worse that lasted five, ten minutes. They spiral downwards into an abyss of miscommunication and social discord from whence not even the spirit of Ma Bell can wisk one fully from. That's just what I deal with. There are legendary conversations which managers have dealt with that are three times as long.

But this, more than a little, explains why I twitch a little when a phone rings around me. Its certainly one of the key reasons why I do not own a cell phone.